How many times have you tried to lay down to sleep and are writing 2 songs, writing 2 or 3 workshops, thinking of ideas to add to a book on alternative discipline you are working on, thinking about how you serve the world, you have to do all at one time. You can’t sleep why? Your brain won’t stop. Finally you give up. You don’t even bother going to bed. Why? Your brain is like a freight train. The more you type the more it flows. The more you play the easier it becomes. It overwhelms you, it’s an adrenalin rush beyond imagination. This goes on for…well you have no idea. You have no sense of time.
Then you crash and burn. No warning. You don’t know what happened. You’ve fell into a pit you cannot get out of. You can’t see any light at all. You’re all alone. You’re tired. Nobody cares. You’ve gave it all you had in you, but still not one single person understands you. All you ever hear is “What, Huh, I don’t understand, in English please, Doesn’t make sense”
You’re thinking, I don’t understand. I’m pouring my heart out to you and you can’t understand??? Then what they do makes no sense to you at all, but they all think it’s fine. If you say I don’t understand they laugh at you. You try to make yourself feel better.
You start feeling pressure like you just can’t take things, you don’t fit in. You’ve messed up and hurt everyone you love. You have to get away. So you try to make up a plan to get away. I’ve disappeared for up to 6 months at a time. No one could reach me. Why?
Bi Polar people are very intelligent. Then there’s the irrational impulsive behavior. This is the worst. Bottom falls into pit of no light from emotional pain of crash. You hit bottom.
You try at first to find a way to find a way to get out. It makes you fall deeper. You start secluding yourself, hiding from people. You think you are a total failure. You are cursed and a burden. Each day it gets worse. Then impulsive thought;
End or continue? It is a question that every depressive being has asked. Some make the choice, to end…
Welcome to my world…